Nothing Left
by ChoChanger
Summary: What happens when you just can't let go? The truth is too much? You feel you can't cope? Is there any point in living when your heart is so full of sorrow? Rating just in case...
1. Default Chapter

Title: Nothing left 

Author: ChoChanger (hlchap@hotmail.com) 

Summary: **What happens when you just can't let go? The truth is just too much? You feel you can't cope? What the point in living when your life is full of sorrow and regret? _What is the point?_ – First proper fan fic peeps so go easy (urgh! Rubbish summary i know) Post- Hogwarts.**

Type: **H/G (sort of...) Angst/General (a few romantic memories).**

A/N:Like I said before this is my first proper fan fic so plase don't be too harsh – i know its rubbish but please Review anyway – feedback and suggestions are welcome. Oh if you don't like sad stories this isn't really the story for you- thought i better warn you. Anyways – enjoy (or at least try to!). Oh I also I also have to thank my friend Briony who has spent hours and hours editing this for me – thanks hun! Luv yall ChoChanger. Disclaimer: I don't own anything – hang on ...* looks around*... nope i actually own nothing. Oh I do own the plot though! Yay! I own something! Chapter 1: Memories

**~*Ginny*~**

Virginia Weaseley stood in front of her full length mirror eyeing her reflection with disgust -  she didn't like what she saw. A short, fat, ugly girl with red hair and freckles glowered sullenly out at her . She pummeled her stomach with her fists frowning – she _loathed _the image in front of her.

'No wonder you have no friends' she hissed menacingly at her reflection, 'Who would want to be friends with you – fat, boring Ginny?'

A sudden pain errupted in Ginny's chest and she felt a lump in her throat.

_Someone had wanted to be friends with her...more than friends..._

Ginny swallowed and shook her head furiously, willing the pain to go away, that was all over – he was gone.

'Harry' she whispered softly, she noticed his name sounded odd on her lips – She realised she hadn't used it in a while. Ginny sighed and a small smile crept on to her lips in spite of herself – she remembered their first night together as if it had been yesterday, the night their lips had finally met, their passions realized, Ginny had never felt more happy in all her life as she had those last few months she had spent with Harry. Ginny frowned again and shook herself out of her daydream – as she had heard Harry once say ' It doesn't do to dwell on dreams and forget to live' (A/N sound familiar?!) Ginny knew, however, that these words meant nothing to her as she knew she would probably be haunted by this dream for the rest of her life. Ginny's eyes welled with tears as she remembered their last moments together...****

**~*Flashback*~**

_'Ginny stay there, don't come out no matter what happens,' I heard Ron yell sending a fresh wave of panic flooding through me_

'But…' 

_'No! Get back!' and he pushed me further into my hiding place. Seeing my frightened face he gave me a small, strained smile ' We'll be ok, I promise.' Though I noticed his eyes didn't quite meet mine. I watched him run out into the chaos, the light from the raging fires blinding me. I was scared; fear was piercing my heart like a dagger. This was it; this was the day that we all knew had to come, although none had expected it so soon. Voldemort had finally penetrated the magic of Hogwarts and had attacked with the Death Eaters when none had expected it. Dumbledore had come running in to the dormitories looking weary and panic stricken,_

_'Harry come with me, it is time' he'd said, Harry solemnly had got up and followed him, however, as he passed me, he whispered softly _

_'I'll be back, I promise' and with that he'd left through the portrait hole without looking back. We all stared somberly at the closed portrait hole, we all knew what was happening; this was it, the battle, the last battle. McGonagall had then come and evacuated us from the building into the forest where she said we would be safe, but Death Eaters had been there too, we scattered and at that moment Dumbledore's words from my third year entered my head _

_'We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.'_

_'Ginny!' I was aroused from my thoughts by Ron running over looking panicky_

_'There you are, come here, you have to hide' he gave me a quick hug and led me over to a thicket of trees and told me to stay hidden._

_That's where I was now, alone and scared, wondering if I would ever see Ron, Fred, George, Hermione again – but most of all I was worried about Harry. I wanted him so badly, I wanted to know he was safe; I wanted him to be here with me. _

_Suddenly I saw him run out of a thicket of trees to my left, I gasped as I noted the fact that he was bleeding and covered in scratches. I opened my mouth to call out to him but stopped when I saw who ran out of next. Voldemort himself emerged out of the trees and laughed that high cold laugh that sent chills down my spine. He turned to Harry and screamed the killing curse his wand pointed directly at Harry's heart – but Harry was just as quick, and I heard him yell,_

_'Permissen Benevolentia Evalesco!' – which I later found out means ' May Goodness Prevail.'_

_The wands then, as I had seen many a time before, connected, the beams meeting in the middle, however, this time it was different. There was no beautiful Phoenix music to be heard, nothing at all –Then I noticed that a_

_big sphere of energy had gathered in the middle of the connection and was glowing a vivid electric blue, steadily  increasing in size. I watched it cautiously as the the round ball of energy began to shudder. Then timeseemed to stand still – the energy suddenly exploded, throwing Voldemort and Harry backwards, then sending a blinding green light towards Voldemort – the spell had rebounded back on to its master – Voldemort was dead. I felt a smile creep across my face – he was gone, it was finally over...we were free. I turned round still smiling, expecting to see Harry brushing himself off and getting to his feet – my smile vanished. Harry was lying awkwardly on the ground, his breathing harsh, his eyes closed._

_'Harry!' I screamed, I ran over and knelt down beside him  'Harry!' I screamed again 'Harry wake up, don't leave me! Your going to be be ok –you promised me you'd come back!' Harry gave a shuddering breath and slowly shook his head, his eyes still closed, tears poured down my face as I sobbed uncontrollably._

_'Its over...' he said, and a ghost of a smile passed across his face '...we won.'_

_He gave another harsh breath before he continued_

_'Say...goodbye...to...Ron and...Hermione' his words were faulty, as if he was using every last ounce of strength inside him to get the words out._

_'No,' I sobbed 'don't say goodbye now, I love you Harry, don't leave me,'  He sighed, and gave me a small smile_

_'I love you...Ginny,' then, with one last shuddering breath, he breathed his last._

**~*End Flashback*~**

**~*Ginny*~ **

Tears streamed down Ginny's face as she recalled the event although it had happened well over a year ago. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. It seemed that the one thing that she had loved about her life had been been given to her then taken away again as if the world was playing some kind of cruel trick. Ginny's brow suddenly furrowed and fury masked her face as she heard laughter coming from downstairs.

_'How could they just forget about Harry like that? Laughing and joking around, It was as if he had never existed!'_

Of course they had all mourned, Ron had been a wreck for weeks, but in time they had come to accept the fact the Harry was gone and though his absense had affected them all, eventually they had got back into their every day routines. Ginny narrowed her eyes, she wasn't going to just move on, pretend it never even happened.

'I'll never forget you Harry' Ginny said fiercly 'Never'.

****

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	2. Mind like a mirror

Chapter 2: No title  
  
'Ginny! Ginny!' Ginny was aroused from her thoughts by a shrill voice calling her from downstairs. Ginny scowled and furrowed her brow 'What?!' she yelled down angrily 'Ginny you've food on the table – hurry up or it'll get cold!' Ginny glanced back at her reflection in the mirror and let out a snort of disgust  
  
Look at the state they'd let her get in she thought eyeing the fat, ill looking figure staring out at her – and now they wanted her to eat more food?! Like Hell she would...  
  
'I'm not hungry!' she barked automatically 'Virginia Weasley! Enough is enough! Come down this instance!' Ginny sighed and made her way down the stairs – where she met a very angry Mrs. Weasley. 'I will not have you take that tone of voice with me young lady' she growled angrily. Ginny had to worked hard to contain her amusement – young lady? She was almost nineteen! 'Well?' she barked 'Don't you have something to say?' Ginny glowered back at her 'No' she said sullenly 'Ginny!' Mrs. Weasley said crossly ' I really don't know what's gotten into you!' Then she added with a kinder voice 'Look I know you've been though a lot but really, don't you think this is getting a bit silly? Were all here...'  
  
Ginny rolled her eye's and let her mothers words wash over her, she had heard this speech a thousand times – the sympathy speech. Ginny's eye's narrowed  
  
Except there was no sympathy – they were just trying to make her forget Harry...  
  
'Now' she heard her mother say 'Are you going to have something to eat?' Ginny nodded her head defeated, there was no point in arguing with her mother – knowing her she'd probably resort to force feeding her. Glumly she followed her into the kitchen, immediately the strong smell of bacon filled her nostril. Ginny blanched – the mere smell made her want to throw up. She looked around at the horrible fixed smiles that everyone had plastered on the faces upon her arrival; she glared at them and sat down. Her attention turned to the food that was laid out in front of her – for the second time her stomach lurched. In front of her were two gigantic greasy rashers of bacon, mushroom soaked in what looked like a barrel of grease and two plump eggs that could have fed a whole village for a month. She thought of her reflection in the mirror and began to panic – she couldn't eat this! All she could see was this horrible image of herself raging out of control. She glanced around the table trying to think of a way to dispose of the food with out attracting attention, her eye's fell on her napkin. Smiling slyly she laid the napkin out on her lap and picked her knife and fork poised ready to eat the food. Quickly, whilst no one was looking, she emptied some of the contents of her plate on to her lap and into the napkin, this seemed to have the desired affect. She tried to look mildly interested in the conversation that was taking place. 'So Ron, Hermione's back next week is she?' 'Oh yes, I can't wait to see her again! Always working though – hopefully this time she'll be back for good!' 'What was it that she was studying?' 'Advanced Transfiguration – she always did have a soft spot for it' 'Ah...She's done well for herself, shame about the college's early close though – Still it'll be great to have her back' 'I know I can't wait!' 'You mentioned...' Ginny momentarily forgot about scraping the food off her plate as she stared at her brother in disbelief. Had he just blocked Harry out of his life? To anyone who didn't know better, the way he was going on, it sounded like it had always just been him and Hermione. It made her want to seethe with anger – he was supposed to be Harry's best friend... Ginny looked down at her place and realized she had managed to get all the food off her plate and into her napkin – Suddenly a feeling of alarm struck her – what was she going to do with it now? There was far too much food in the napkin just to walk out unnoticed. Frantically she raked her brains hoping that an idea would strike her suddenly. 'Ginny?' Will you take the plates out into the kitchen for me please?' Ginny looked at her mother in horror – there was nothing else for it, she waited until Mrs Weasley had looked away then quickly stuffed the napkin up her jumper. With as much authority as she could muster with a napkin full of smelly food up her top – she marched into the kitchen holding the plates aloft. With a quick glance back to make sure no one was coming – she quickly shoved the napkin right to the bottom of the bin. Ginny helped clear the rest of the table as quickly as she could then ran up stairs and flung herself on her bed  
  
That was too close...next time she would have to find a much more efficient way of getting rid of it... 


	3. The Dream

**Cho:** sidles in looking guilty erm hello, yes it's me, I am so sorry to have left anyone reading this without updating – I have no excuse – NO excuse, I'm sorry, well here's Chapter 3, I hope it's laid out better than previous chapters – let me know you think :D

**Chapter 3: The Dream**

"Hermione! How wonderful to see you dear!"

"Its wonderful to see you too Mrs Weasley"

Hermione's melodic voice drifted up stairs into Ginny's bedroom a week later and Ginny brightened at once and ran down stairs to greet her brother's girlfriend and her best friend. Just as she was getting to the top of the stair, Hermione slender figure swam into view. Ginny took a double take and stared at her friend in amazement. Hermione's hair hung in loose curls down her back and her skin glowed with radiance. A sudden thought swam through her head...

If it weren't for her un-tameable bushy hair – Hermione would in fact be perfect... 

The sentence ran through her mind like sand – she took another glance at her and with some disappointment noted that Hermione's hair was indeed not bushy – so in fact, to the naked eye she was perfect. It appeared so, at least, as she gave a tinkling laugh at one of Ron's least amusing jokes. She looked down at herself as her face clouded, seeing Hermione looking so beautiful made her hate herself even more. Over the last week she had seemed to make some improvement but not much – she loathed herself as much as ever. Slowly Ginny turned and tried to walk discretely back upstairs but...

"Ginny!!!"

Ginny scowled 'Caught' she thought in annoyance, she plastered a fake smile on her face and turned round

'Hermione – its great to see you again'

Her smile faltered as a look of mild shock and concern cross Hermione's pretty face

'Ginny are you okay?' she asked looking worried

'Yeah...' said Ginny suspiciously 'Why?'

'Oh, nothing – you just look...um...drawn – that's all'

'Oh' Ginny said slightly put out

'So Hermione,' Ron said diverting her attention back to him 'Did you...' he blushed slightly ' Miss me?' A smug expression settled itself on Hermione's perfectly contoured face

"Not at all" she said smoothly

"I knew-wait–what???" Ron spluttered indignantly, then seeing the wicked gleam in Hermione's eye his face relaxed slightly "That," he said pulling her towards him "wasn't very nice...you had me worried" Hermione grinned and pulled him in for a kiss, Ginny let out to snort disgust to mask the fast approaching jealousy boiling up rapidly inside of her, she turned and climbed slowly up the stairs to her room.

_Really, it was enough that she had lost the only man she ever loved but did they really have to rub it in her face?_

She walked in her room and stole another glance at her refection

"What are you looking at?" she said aloud, sullenly

_And what had Hermione been talking about? Drawn? She had never seen anyone less drawn on the contrary the way the flab seemed to drip off her face made Ginny feel positively ill - in fact..._

Ginny bolted across the landing and reached the bathroom just in time and threw up violently in the toilet - much to the toilets disgust

"Eighth time this week," it moaned loudly

"Shut it you" Ginny managed to tell it weakly before lurching again

"Ginny?" a tentative voice inquired from the door – Hermione. "Ginny, are you ok?"

Ginny shuddered involuntarily, and caught sight of her sweating, white face in the bathroom mirror, she grimaced

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine thanks" she called, trying as best as she could to sound jolly and carefree, not an easy task considering the circumstances

"Well if you're sure," came Hermione muffled voice through the locked door, still sounding concerned. Ginny listened carefully to Hermione's retreating footsteps and waited until she was sure Hermione was out of earshot before letting out a deep shuddering sigh. Using the towel rail, she hauled herself up clumsily and cleaned up the bathroom..._no one would ever have to know._

Ginny staggered out into the hallway feeling curiously light headed, everything seemed to be spinning but somehow she managed to find her way into her room. She immediately collapsed on her bed and fell asleep instantaneously.

_**The Dream**_

"_No!" a voice screamed, "Leave me alone" _

_A crowd was gathering round a chubby girl with red hair and freckles, all of them laughing at her un-mercifully._

_Harry Potter leaned in for a closer look._

"_Who, could ever love you?" a melodic voice crowed. A beautiful girl with loose chestnut curls cascading down her back stepped out of the crowd and eyed at the girl with contempt, Harry recognized the girl in an immediately it was his best friend, Hermione Granger, and to be honest he had to agree with her – the girl on the floor was a state. Her hair looked un-brushed and she looked as if she hadn't washed in days...the sheer sight of her repulsed him. His thought where interrupted by another familiar voice that Harry recognized to be Ron. _

"_I can't believe you're my sister" _

_His sister? No...it couldn't be_

_Harry pushed his way through the crowd _

"_Ginny?" he said with disbelief. The girl on the floor started at the sound of his voice and looked up at him slowly and a look of delight spread across her face_

"_Harry!" she breathed "Oh Harry, I'm so glad you're here, make them stop, tell them that you love me..." Harry recoiled in disgust from her outstretched hand _

"_Don't touch me," he said with utmost revulsion, Ginny gasped in shock "What have you let yourself become, I can't believe I ever loved you." With on last sneering glance he turned his heel and strode away._

"_No! Don't leave me Harry" Ginny screamed struggling to her feet and running to catch up with Harry..."Don't leave me again!" Harry turned suddenly and struck her clean across the face with such force Ginny fell to the ground_

"_I said...don't touch me." _

_**End Dream**_

Ginny sat bolt upright, drenched in a cold sweat. The room was dark but everywhere she looked she could see Harry, his face filled with disgust. She could still hear his cold voice ringing horribly in her ears

_'I said...don't touch me'_

Ginny broke down and wept.


	4. A Rude Awakening

**Cho:** Here's Chapter 4 and don't worry I should be able to update every couple of days as I have every chapter written and typed up except for the last one :D – as always I'd love to hear what you think :D

**Chapter 4: A Rude Awakening**

Ginny awoke a couple of weeks later the dream fresh as ever in her tired mind. The last couple of weeks had seemed to go by in a daze with not much going on to block out the terrible memories of the dream that had been floating in and out of her head constantly. She noted, with some dismay, that she couldn't even remember the way Harry smiled anymore, only the look of detestation and disgust he had given her when he'd seen her now, for what she really was. Ginny closed her eyes tightly stop the flood of tears that her eyes threatened to release. It had felt so real. She shook her head and got to her feet and dress carefully in her usual attire – a baggy sweatshirt and trousers. She gazed sorrowfully at her refection and then sneered as she took in her blood shot eyes and scraggy mane of hair. She scowled even deeper as she attempted to drag a brush through it without much success – in the end she settled for plonking a hat unceremoniously on her head. She took a deep breath, headed out the door and tried desperately to shut out the constant nagging voice in her head.

_That's what he always thought of you, you know... he never did love you, he pitied you Ginny – pitied._

"Shut up" Ginny told the voice quietly as she descended quietly down the stairs

_You disgusted him_

"Its not true!" Ginny said a little louder, tears springing to her eyes in spite of herself. She sank down against the banister and put her head in her hand, closing her eyes again concentrating on getting rid of the picture of Harry appalled expression. In fact she was concentrating so hard that she didn't hear a door creak open on the landing and the footsteps walking towards her. A hand touched her lightly on the shoulder. Ginny leapt a mile in the air and whipped round. She relaxed - it was Hermione. She turned back round and faced the stair well. 

"Hermione! You scared the life out of me!" she said a little annoyed

"Sorry" said Hermione quietly "Look, Gin, are you sure your ok? You can tell me you know."

Ginny looked up at her, Hermione's eyes filled with concern as she took in Ginny's drawn, drained appearance. Ginny faltered, for a moment she almost felt like telling her everything, about how much she missed Harry, how she felt she couldn't cope, how much she needed her and about the dream...almost, but not quite. She looked away again

"Everything's perfectly fine Hermione, fabulous in fact, actually I was just going out so if you'll excuse me" She said all this rather quickly and made to go down the rest of the staircase but Hermione's hand snatched her wrist. Ginny turned

"I'll come with you, you know for company...' she started, she stopped abruptly and peered at Ginny's wrist, studying it carefully, noting with no small decree of concern how small and brittle it looked in her hand. Her eyes widened in horror and she looked up slowly into Ginny's face

"Ginny?" She said in disbelief "Ginny, have you been eating properly?"

Ginny snatched her hand back

"What's it to you" she spat, and with that she ran downstairs and out the door, leaving Hermione standing on the landing staring at the spot where Ginny's hand had been in her own, her eyes still wide with alarm.

Ginny walked out and apparated into the noisy streets Diagon Alley, a sullen expression clouded her face – what did Hermione know anyway, she asked herself.

_She was only trying to help you_

Ginny groaned loudly as she realized the nagging voice had made a comeback.

_And you..._

Ginny could almost imagine the voice pointing its finger at her, if a voice could have a finger...

_You drove her away; can't you see what's happening Ginny? All your friends are turning away from you, just like Harry, remember, remember??_

Ginny remembered.

_And its because of you, Ginny – YOU! You repulse them, just like you repulse yourself –_

That was enough

"Shut up!" screamed Ginny "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

An old woman carrying a large basket of potions jumped back from her in alarm, clearly frightened by this obviously somewhat unhinged teenager. Upon seeing this, Ginny frowned at her and perhaps more menacingly than she intended she snapped

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing, nothing!" squeaked the woman, hurriedly trying to shuffle away, spilling potion ingredients everywhere. Quickly, keeping one nervous eye on Ginny, she tried to scrabble all her shopping back into the basket without much success.

"Here, I'll help you" Ginny said suddenly feeling ashamed, she started towards the woman smiling as warmly as she could - perhaps it didn't quite have the effect she was going for as the woman looked positively horrified

"No! No thank you I'm fine," she said quickly scooping up what she could into the shopping basket, before half walking, half running away as fast as she could, leaving Ginny staring helplessly after her.

Ginny shook her head in incredulity and right on cue a familiar voice entered her head

_See what your doing now? Terrorizing innocent bystanders – your going mad Gin..._

Ginny looked round and saw a gaggle of scared and curious faces peering at her excitedly. Mortified, Ginny broke into a run and kept running until she was red in the face and out of breath. As she slowed down into a steady jog, her eyes scanned her surroundings; to her despair she realized she didn't recognize anything, suddenly she felt alone and nervous.

Clearly she wasn't in Diagon Alley any more; in fact she didn't have a clue where she was. She sank down on the least grimy bench she could find and let out a deep sigh.

Her thought wandered back to the woman with the shopping basket, she groaned – right now that woman was probably warning everyone she could that there was mad, dangerous, red headed delinquent on the loose. Ginny was seriously being to wonder if she was mad, had she truly been talking to her own head?! What's more she had let her head win, she had let herself believe that what it was saying was true...maybe it was – Ginny wasn't sure of anything anymore.

What if it had always been like that, and she just couldn't remember? Had everyone always hated her? Had Harry ever loved her? Or was it all a figment of her over reactive imagination as a result of years of stalking him in the Griffindor Common Room? She just didn't know anymore. She clenched her fists angrily; she could almost hear the voice in her head laughing at her...

_Ha Ha Ha!_

In fact she could...

She screwed up her face and tried to stop the demonic laughter vibrating around her head. Suddenly, from somewhere behind her, she heard a smooth voice that caught her completely by surprise

"You know, your face will stay like that if the wind changes"


End file.
